Unhelpful Thoughts

Thoughts aren’t facts but left unchallenged they can become a road map to the way we live our lives. Our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are linked and if we constantly believe our unhelpful thoughts we are likely to experience unpleasant feelings, low mood, heightened anxiety and behave in ways that are self-sabotaging ultimately creating an unhelpful loop that seems to prove our original way of thinking.

Hi my name is Michelle Brown a qualified and experienced BACP registered counsellor working from my Tunbridge Wells office and online. I been helping people with anxiety and depression for many years and have found that helping my clients tune into and challenge their unhelpful thoughts has been an important factor in their recovery. 

We all experience unhelpful thoughts from time to time but these type of thoughts tend to become amplified when we are feeling depressed or anxious and left unchecked they can develop into a nasty inner critic who is constantly trying to bring us down and seeking to prove that they are right.  It’s not the actual thoughts that are problematic, rather the personal meaning that we apply to them. 

If you can learn to tune in to and start to recognise your unhelpful thoughts you can make a start at challenging them and breaking the loop.

These are some of the most common unhelpful thoughts that we talk about in CBT.

Do you recognise any of these in your thinking?

Predicting the Future:

We can spend a lot of time trying to figure out what could go wrong in the future when we feel anxious, rather than just letting things happen. We can end up wasting a lot of time and energy being worried and upset by our predictions, predictions that don’t even materialise. Some examples of these kinds of thoughts might be:

• Assuming you will fail an exam.

• Predicting that you will get nervous in an interview and muck it up.

• Deciding you will get ill before an important event.

Mind Reading:

We can make assumptions about what other people think of us despite there being no real evidence. We might make assumptions such as:

• People think I’m boring.

• My boss thinks I’m incapable.

• She’s ignoring me because she thinks I’m a loser

Catastrophizing:

We might blow things out of proportion when they are suffering from anxiety and “catastrophize” the situation, believing that a situation is far worse than it really is.  An example of this might be:

• My friend cancelled a night out because they were tired, that’s it, I will never see them again, they will forget about me.

• I’m not feeling very well but if I take the day off I will get the sack and will never find another job.

Focusing on the Negatives:

When anxiety or depression strike we tend to focus on the negatives. Our brains are designed this way in an attempt to keep us safe, however a brain that constantly seeks out the negatives can quickly become devoid of positivity.

Here are a couple of examples:

 On our birthday we might get cards and presents from all but one of our friends but instead of thinking, maybe that one person forgot, we discount all of the wonderful presents we received and decide that nobody likes us.

We receive feedback forms from 5 clients, 4 clients leave 5* reviews but 1 leaves a 2* one. Instead of being proud of our achievements and wondering what we could do to improve the 2*  we decided we aren't good enough and decide to cease trading.

Should Statements:

People often imagine how they would like things to be or how they 'should be' rather than accepting how things really are. For example:

• I should be able to cope

• I should always spend time with my wife in the evenings

• My boyfriend should want to be with me all of the time.

These kind of statements apply extra pressure to ourselves and others and cause anxiety. Instead it can help to just accept that things can't always be perfect or as we would like them to be.

Over Generalising:

 We assume that our lives will follow a predictable pattern based on one isolated incident. For example:

• Perhaps we go out on a date and aren’t asked to go out with that person for a second date. Because we use the distorted thinking pattern of over generalisation we may come to the conclusion that we will never successfully meet a romantic partner.

What If Statements:

Have you ever wondered "what if" something bad happens? For example:

• What if I have a panic attack at the party?

• What if I don't make friends when I start my new job?

This type of thought can often make us avoid going places or doing the things that we would like.

Labelling:

Do you find that you attach negative labels to yourself? For example:

• I'm weak.

• I'm a waste of space.

• I'm always anxious.

Labels like these really influence how we see ourselves, let unchecked we start to really believe these thoughts. The result, anxiety and depression.

Always having to be right

Is being right more important than your loved ones feelings? Do you feel that you always have to be right continually trying to prove that your opinions and actions are correct? Being wrong might be unthinkable to you and you might go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. Winning the argument becomes the most important thing regardless of the cost.

 Personalization

Assuming responsibility for things that are outside of our control can really impact our lives. For example, without having anything to do with a situation, we might decide that we are to blame for our child’s illness, a colleague having an accident or a piece of work being done incorrectly. 

If any of these categories of unhelpful thinking resonate with you, how can you challenge your thinking?

What evidence do you have to back up your thought?

What evidence do you have to disprove it?

What other explanations could there be for the situation?

If you think counselling might help please get in touch.